There are ten common reasons to regret your vasectomy.
We specialize in providing easy access minimally invasive vasectomy in a single visit. We perform a lot of vasectomy procedures.
Most patients are certain they do not want anymore or any children when they walk into our office for a vasectomy procedure.
They frequently tell us at least one of the following as they sign their vasectomy consent:
- I am 100% certain I don’t want anymore (or any) kids
- We will adopt if we change our minds
- If something happens with this pregnancy we will be okay with our decision
- Any future partner will need to be okay with my decision
- I never wanted kids
Most patients are aware vasectomy is intended to be a permanent. When they sign up they are all 100% on board with the concept of permanent.
Unfortunately, life has a way of throwing curve balls. Sometimes things change. Sometimes patients regret their decision to have vasectomy.
Up to 10% of patients can regret having a vasectomy procedure.
If you search the internet you will find vasectomy regret statistics that are all over the place. There are a lot of numbers being casually, repetitively thrown around.
We can probably agree the percentage of people who regret their vasectomy is not 100%.
We can also probably agree the number is not 0%. It is probably somewhere in between.
We can argue the number all we want but the actual number may not really matter. If you are considering vasectomy then you should acknowledge regret is possible and no matter what the percentage of vasectomy regret may be if you are the one who regrets having the procedure the statistics might as well be 100%.
Acknowledging the possibility of regret starts with us acknowledging none of us can predict the future. With time things change.
To be clear, most patients will not regret their vasectomy. Most will say it was the best thing they did in their lives.
On average, those who regret their decision will request vasectomy reversal approximately 8 years after their vasectomy procedure. If you regret your vasectomy then you will not have a lot of options to fix your regret other than deal with it, adopt, get a vasectomy reversal, or have in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
Despite the certainty all our patients express about having a permanent procedure, we realize some of them will regret their decisions in the future. We have identified ten common reason to regret your vasectomy.
Common reasons to regret your vasectomy
We have identified 10 common reasons to regret your vasectomy. These are the situations that cause people to reconsider their previous decision.
The reasons to regret your vasectomy below are listed from least common to more common.
- Vasectomy side-effects
- The “Secret Vasectomy”
- Young age
- Vasectomy for the wrong reason
- Pregnancy miscarriage/loss of child
- The large family paradox
- The “Straight Flush Family”
- Having twins
- Trying to save/escape a troubled relationship
- New relationship
If you are considering vasectomy and one of the 10 situations above apply to you (with the exception of #1 because this can only happen after vasectomy) then we ask you carefully consider your decision.
Reason to regret your vasectomy: Vasectomy side-effects
If you are thinking about vasectomy you can be reassured this is the least common reason to regret your vasectomy.
The vast majority of patients dont have side-effects. Most are happy with their vasectomy procedure.
If you are one of the unlucky few to have a vasectomy side-effect then you will regret your decision to have a vasectomy. The chance of having serious side-effects after after vasectomy is about 1 out of every 1,500 vasectomy patients. The number one side-effect that causes vasectomy regret is the development of chronic scrotal pain.
Chronic scrotal pain can happen after any surgery to the pelvis (hernia surgery) or back (disc surgery) and can be difficult to treat.
Chronic scrotal pain after vasectomy is rare but if you do develop chronic scrotal pain you will regret having a vasectomy.
Vasectomy regret and “The Secret Vasectomy”
What is a “Secret Vasectomy”? A secret vasectomy is when a patient secretly has a vasectomy without telling their partner.
If you have a secret vasectomy and you get caught you will, more than likely, regret your vasectomy procedure.
There are two main reasons people get a vasectomy in secret:
- The patient is having an affair (most common)
- The patient’s partner is having an affair
A patient will have a secret vasectomy if they are having an affair and they would hate to ruin their delicate situation and make everything worse by getting someone else pregnant.
A patient will sometimes have a secret vasectomy if they believe their partner is having an affair. They already have relationship issues and don’t want kids together. The rationale is if their partner gets pregnant then the pregnancy will prove, beyond all reasonable doubt, the existence of the affair.
Vasectomies in secret almost never end well.
If your partner discovers the existence of the affair and learns you also had a vasectomy without their knowledge, you will regret your vasectomy. They may ‘force’ you to have a reversal to penalize you or to make you ‘prove’ your love.
You could also feel so guilty from having an affair you will regret your vasectomy to make up for your lapse in judgment.
If your partner becomes pregnant from someone else, you may not regret your vasectomy initially. In fact, you may feel quite proud of yourself.
You will separate from your current partner and when you meet someone else you could regret your decision to have a vasectomy.
Vasectomy at a young age
Having a vasectomy at a younger age can be a common reason to regret your vasectomy.
You cannot get a vasectomy in the United States unless you are at least 18 years of age. Federal money (ie Medicaid) cannot be used for vasectomy unless the patient is 21 years of age.
What is too young to get a vasectomy?
It really is hard to provide a definitive age that is considered too young but understanding the concept of how young age is a common reason to regret your vasectomy is more important. The literature regarding female tubal ligation suggest women who have tubal ligation younger than age 30 are more likely to regret their decision.
Female tubal ligation regret and male vasectomy regret may not be directly comparable.
Quite simply, the younger you are when you have a vasectomy then the more time you have to think about your decision. The more time you have to think about something then the more time you have to second guess or regret something.
As you grow, mature, and become more financially stable, you may have second thoughts about your vasectomy. A person who gets a vasectomy at the age of 23 has more time to regret their decision than a person who gets a vasectomy at the age of 60!
Having a vasectomy at a younger age can be a reason to regret your vasectomy.
Getting a vasectomy for the wrong reason
Some patients will get a vasectomy for the wrong reason. They may end up regretting their decision.
Vasectomy prevents you from fathering a child. It does not help you grieve the death of a loved one or help you find a job if you have been fired.
Some patients will experience the death of a loved one, usually a parent spouse or other caregiver. They will have a vasectomy because they cannot imagine bringing a child into this world without that person to share the experience.
Some people will get fired from a job or separated from their partner and get a vasectomy because they just can’t imagine having another child given the circumstances.
Vasectomy prevents you from fathering children. It does not solve your current problems.
If you have a vasectomy for the wrong reasons…as a reaction to an adverse life event…then you may end up regretting your vasectomy.
Pregnancy miscarriage or loss of a child
A common reason to regret your vasectomy is death of a child or loss of a pregnancy.
We frequently have patients request vasectomy while their partners are pregnant. They do this because they have probably put off their vasectomy for a long time. In fact, the current pregnancy was usually not planned and probably resulted from the patient’s reluctance to schedule a vasectomy.
This is why we offer easy, single visit vasectomy scheduling. For more information: Schedule a single visit vasectomy
These patients rationalize the unplanned pregnancy is their fault. They delayed having vasectomy and, as a result, their partner became pregnant. Now they are more motivated to have a vasectomy and use the current pregnancy as their ‘back up method’ while they are waiting for sperm to clear after their vasectomy procedure.
If the partner miscarries the pregnancy then they may regret their vasectomy.
Most patients say they have talked to their partner about it and they will not regret their vasectomy… but the reality is you really never know how you are going to feel until you actually experience something.
Pregnancy miscarriages are common. Many women will grieve the miscarriage just as if they lost a newborn baby. Once that urine test become positive it is perceived as a whole new baby and many become instantly attached to the concept of having another child.
If you get a vasectomy because your partner is newly pregnant and if she has a miscarriage, then you may regret having a vasectomy. It does not always matter the pregnancy was unplanned and was the direct result of not getting a timely vasectomy procedure.
Not all babies are born alive or healthy. Infants are at risk of death at anytime, but especially during the birthing process and, less so, during the first several months of life. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is possible in the first year of life.
You will never really know how you will emotionally process these events until this actually happens to you. Even if you talked about this before your made your vasectomy appointment.
This is why we recommend patients wait until at least 3 months after birth before having a vasectomy. If you are going to lose a child the reality is it is possible at any point in life… but the first 3 to 12 months of life is the highest risk time.
The loss of a pregnancy or child is a big reason to regret a vasectomy.
Having a vasectomy because of too many kids
Some people get a vasectomy because they think they have too many kids. These people are at risk of regretting their vasectomy procedure. We call this the ‘Large Family Paradox’.
It would seem to make sense that a couple who has 4 or more children would have enough children to satisfy them.
In most cases this is a correct assumption, but in some situations a large number of children only creates the desire to have even more children. This is the paradox. There really is no stopping for some of these couples.
When the 4th or 5th child comes along, some patients will have a vasectomy because of societal pressure. If you have a large number of kids and have a vasectomy because you think you should be done then you may regret your procedure.
When you have a large family the entire mission of the parents is to take care of and provide for the family. When their youngest child becomes older and goes off to school the house can seem ’empty’ during school hours.
If the spouse is a stay at home spouse, they sometimes begin feeling the nest is empty and they need more children to keep their ‘daily routine’ going. Their raison d’etre is challenged.
Their choices are to go get a job, find a hobby, volunteer, or have another child.
In many cases, they are limited because they must take care of older children and may not have enough time to do something new that requires a large time commitment. Often they fall back on what they know best…raising children. So very often their decision will be to have another child.
If you have a vasectomy because of a large number of kids then you may end up regretting your vasectomy and seeking reversal.
Poker hand family? Go “All in” and get a vasectomy
Another reason people regret vasectomy is when they made a decision to have the vasectomy only because of the stress of having kids close in age.
This is close to the large family paradox but different. In the large family paradox you have a lot of kids. In the straight flush family you have kids that are just very close in age (like 1 or 2 years apart)….you could have just two children…or 3 or 4. With more children you start to switch over into the large family paradox.
We like to call families with kids close in age poker hand families….or Straight Flush families… because these families have a large number of kids. The ages of their kids are often sequential just like having that game winning straight flush poker hand.
As these children grow older, we commonly have patients inquire about vasectomy reversal. When the youngest child becomes more self-sufficient and the oldest children are able to help out with the family then things will start to feel different. You may start regretting your vasectomy.
If you have a straight flush in poker you will be thrilled and ‘go all in’ but when your kids get older and your household seems more sane you may start regretting your vasectomy procedure.
It may seem crazy but we see this all the time.
Having twins: Vasectomy provides salvation!
When people have a vasectomy because of the stress of having twins, they may regret their decision as the twins get older.
The only thing more stressful than having to care for one newborn is having to care for two newborns!
Raising a child can be an overwhelming experience. Raising two newborns at the same time can be exponentially overwhelming. Neither parent sleeps, eats, or functions on a normal schedule for a very long time.
Loud noise and sleep deprivation are certified torture techniques….they are also commonly experienced by parents with young children.
Even if you love taking care of twin newborns, the thought a future pregnancy could end up being twins again becomes a terrifying proposition. The only thing more stressful than caring for twins is having to care for two sets of twins all close in age!
There is nothing like having twins that will make people schedule a vasectomy procedure! The procedure provides salvation from the stress of having more children and an even larger family to care for.
Once these twins become older things will slowly become easier. The twins will help by entertaining each other. You may want more children. You may regret your vasectomy.
Vasectomy and the troubled relationship
Vasectomy prevents you from fathering a pregnancy. Vasectomy does not fix broken relationships.
If you have a vasectomy because you are in a troubled, painful relationship then you may be at increased risk of regretting your vasectomy. You will eventually break up with the difficult person. You will end up in a new relationship and, if that person does not have kids, you will regret having your vasectomy.
Some people have a vasectomy to prevent a bad relationship from getting worse. Others have a vasectomy to save a troubled relationship.
Obviously a vasectomy does not help difficult relationships but it can prevent you from having more children that can potentially, make a bad relationship get even worse.
Vasectomy will never save a dysfunctional relationship.
If you have a vasectomy for these reasons then you may end up regretting your vasectomy.
If you have a vasectomy as a result of a dysfunctional relationship then you may regret having your vasectomy. In fact your regret may even be combined with anger . The anger is because another person influenced you to get a permanent procedure and when they are long gone you are still stuck with your vasectomy and having to navigate future relationships.
This is the equivalent of getting another person’s name tattooed on your neck. That person leaves you and you are branded with their name in a highly visible place. Getting a vasectomy prior to separation can have the very same impact…only the ‘vasectomy tattoo’ is less visible.
Vasectomy + new relationship = Possible vasectomy regret
Getting into a new relationship is the most common reasons to regret your vasectomy.
We frequently see patients who schedule a vasectomy because they are about to get divorced. They rationalize there is no way they want to have another child again.
Often the stress of their current relationship makes them unable to seriously consider the feelings they may have with a future partner.
It is amazing how many patients will schedule a vasectomy while they are going through a divorce. It is equally amazing how many patients request vasectomy at the very start of a new relationship after they have gone through a divorce.
When a person comes in for a vasectomy and their youngest child is a teenager, we readily know their situation: divorce or the start of a new relationship after a separation.
Vasectomy regret begins when the new partner wants a child. This is much more likely when the new partner does not have children. If the new partner has children from a previous relationship then there will be less pressure to reverse vasectomy.
Sometimes that new partner…and sometimes even the patient themselves… will express the desire to have that ‘together child’. You can’t have a together child when you have had a vasectomy procedure.
If you are single, had a vasectomy, and do not want another child then we highly recommend you find a person who has their own kids and does not want a ‘together’ baby. It will also help if she is beyond reproductive age!
Having a vasectomy and then getting into a new relationship is the most common reason to regret your vasectomy.
Vasectomy: Will you regret having a procedure?
We don’t know the answer to the question but we are well aware most vasectomy patients will not regret having a vasectomy. They will be satisfied with having the best and most effective form of permanent birth control.
If you would like to learn more about our modern, minimally invasive vasectomy then visit: His Choice Vasectomy of Raleigh
We would like all patients to acknowledge regret is a risk of vasectomy that cannot be adequately discussed because it requires discussion of theoretical future events that most patients cannot even imagine is possible.
Only time will tell if you will regret your vasectomy. None of us can predict the future.
